So Long, Farewell

Two institutions of my time in Delhi Univ are closing down.

Mallu dhaba, properly known as Anna Restaurant, that haven of Onam lunches, Mallu fuchcha ragging sessions, parotta-beef fry, tiffin delivery, and biriyani on Sundays, is closing shop on the 30th of April.

I’ve been going there for five years, and in the last couple of years have become a familiar face there. I go there when I have no company to eat with.. Just take a book with me. This last year I’ve noticed a definite drop in customer numbers. And John Bhai has been 1 over the 8 far more than is good for him. Last night he was literally tottering everywhere as he served me my Thali Sappadu and Fish Fry.

John Bhai’s wife, whom I will remember as being absoLUTEly incomprehensible on the phone, confirmed that they’re not making a profit any more. Apparently they’ll hang around Delhi for a while, trying to find employment making idlis, vadas, and dosas. Returning to Kerala is their last option.

The other institution is not really closing down as such – but it’s a shadow of its former glory. Ashu Photostat, at Gwyer Hall, used to be a great place. Airconditioned, ultra-cheap internet, cheap printouts, STD lines, blank cds, cellphone recharges, and open late at night, it was our haunt many a night.

I used to visit Ashu every night in first year. We didn’t have cellphones then, and Revanoor needed to call his girlfriend every day (no amount of “Dude! You’re mad! If you just talk to her every other day, you cut your spending by half!” ever worked with him!). I went along for fun, and would spend the twenty minutes Revanoor was on the phone checking my Hotmail. In those days email was all I had on the net – Orkut, Blogger, and WordPress were years in the future.

Things changed slightly in second year. We eventually got cheap Nokias, and Ashu began to sell very cheap SIM cards. Like 70 bucks per. With hundreds of rupees talktime on them, and ten days’ or so validity. Revanoor bought like a hundred, over months, and kept them all, being a senti fart. I bought a few myself, for STD purposes.

Anyway, Ashu has really let his place go to the dogs. It’s hardly ever open, they no longer have internet, and it just generally looks unattractive!

Come to think of it, Himmat Singh and his bun-andas, Balbir and his chai and cigarettes, and Ghanta Ghar are almost forgotten terms these days.

VKRV is still going strong though. They’ve put up a pandal, so you can sit there even when it rains. Their anda paranthas are better than ever. And Gwyer Hall still does everyone’s laundry, although Sexy Didi – she of the lovely knockers! – hardly comes out these days.

On my school’s Orkut community, the Old Ones reminisce of the good old days when Canteen Paatti sold them samosas and “strongs” (sweets!) for minus fifty paise, or some such ridiculous amount.

Every generation has its memories, I guess.

Where the heck is my generation though?? Why am I the only ass still stuck in DU?? Grrr…

I’m It

What fun! I’ve never been Tagged before.

 This reminds me of, among other things, the questionnaire we filled out for our school magazine ‘Kaleidoscope’ at the end of 12th Grade. Name, Nickname, Advice To Juniors…

Ha! I knew Orkut profile entries came to mind for you too! So there!

By the way, I tried to leave more space between questions, but the editor kept ignoring the extra lines. Sorry.

1. PICK OUT A SCAR YOU HAVE, AND EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT IT.

Um. I’m pretty scarless, actually. (Although I did go to a mirror just now, and check.)

If you count those purple blotches that are the next stage in a pimple’s life cycle, then I have plenty on my face, and LOADS on my shoulders and upper-upper back. Sigh.

But you know, I often wake up in the morning and find inexplicable cuts, scars and scabs on my person. After having slept alone, no less. This happens even when I’ve gone to sleep sober – at least if one were drunk the previous night one could blame it on a fall or an OUCH-my-poor-fucking-toe-that-blasted-table-leg-should-be-thrown-in-the-fire… I probably get bitten at night, and scratch. How attractive.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?

Paint, not whitewash. And I have decent floor tiles!

Posters:

(1) Great Indian Rock 2003 poster. I had more of these, plus a John Myung at GIR poster and an Orange Street poster and a Dream Theater poster that I liked. But last year in a fit of madness I got so irritated trying to take them off the wall without tearing them that I ripped them all to shreds.

(b) Double (lengthwise) poster of Michael Jordan about to release a jump shot. He’s jumped so high that he’s in the stratosphere. Really. You can see clouds below him. It’s a Nike ad, I think. And MJ’s tongue is out, as usual. Irritates me, that does…

(c) A gorgeous poster of Vince Carter about to SLAM the ball into the ring, and then hang on. In home (Toronto Raptors) uniform. He’s got both arms outstretched, like wings, and both legs together and bent back at the knees. My hero.

(4) Archie Comics year planner from Archies Gallery, Rs. 40. I’ve had a year planner for about ten years running, now. Use it for birthdays and exams!

Other: Assorted switches and plugpoints. Plus the telephone wire for my broadband.

Neither of the pictures below are my Carter poster, because I couldn’t find it in the first three pages of Google Image Search. But would you look at this guy… :)

 

3. WHAT DOES YOUR PHONE LOOK LIKE?

Yeh raha hain. I can’t believe I forgot the model number. I am NOT the sort of person who forgets model numbers! Anyway, I had to remove the battery and look under the hood. Nokia 2600. Mum’s old phone.

 

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?

Hoo, boy.

Let’s be general and say: Progressive Metal, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Pop, Musicals, House, Indie Music, Classical Music, Symphonic Metal, Neo-classical Metal, Rap, Hip-Hop, remixed Hindi film songs, and Jazz, in that order of frequency and preference.

In the middle of the night,
I go walking in my sleep
But I always comes back to Dream Theater.

What sort of music is Billy Joel and Elton John, anyway?

5. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?

This.

Allnut Court, with my friends from school. In March.

I have three icons in the top left corner, three in the top right corner, and two in the centre of the top.

6. WHAT DO I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?

Well, now.

Or, possibly, to skip forward past these damn exams and go straight to the next happy interlude.

7. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GAY MARRIAGE?

That’s like asking whether you “believe” in pubic hair. It’s there, it’s there.

Let people do what they want. Are they asking to get married to you? Who the fuck gave you the right to tell anyone else what to do, anyway? Stupid ass.

(I hope my brother isn’t reading this! Vix, sit and study. Bring your books. Get me some water.)

8. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?

Apparently, 2333 hours. Sounds too precise to be true, to me. Anyway I don’t trust other people’s watches to be accurate at such levels.

But sometime in the late night, 21 years and 11 months ago.

9. ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL TOGETHER?

Yep. They met in first year of college.

(Gives you hope, doesn’t it? That you’ll also find someone? Or does it make you despair that you won’t?)

10. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

The whirr of my ceiling fan, the occasional motorbike on the road outside, and some fucker getting married down the road. Saale bhehnchod. What if I had had an exam tomorrow?

Also, an assorted CD entitled ‘Assorted – Ammu.’ At one stage I named my mixed CDs after friends and acquaintances. Gives them a personality, you know. Right now, it’s Europe – I’ll Cry For You (Acoustic). The previous song was Aqua – Turn Back Time. The next song is Britney Spears – Born To Make You Happy.

What? She’s hot, or was a HOT teen. She can sing. And her songs are very catchy. You like her too, don’t lie to me…

11. DO YOU GET SCARED OF THE DARK?

Yes. It takes very little to set me off, once the lights go down. Stems from a time in 6th Grade or so when I read ‘The Hound of the Baskervilles.’ I was scared to shut my eyes while soaping my face while bathing, for a long time after that. Bloody ‘ell. Still gives me shivers when I think about it.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?

Not counting myself or movies, the last three have been girls.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE/PERFUME?

I’m happy with whatever I can get. Don’t have a cologne collection.

Among aftershaves, though, I do like Gillette and Denim Black.

Among deos, again Gillette, and Old Spice.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR / EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Hair? Eye colour? Irrelevant. Let’s adjust the question a bit:

In order of preference: Lips, Breasts, Legs, Butt, Nape of the Neck.

15. DO YOU LIKE PAIN KILLERS?

No. I stay away from medicines unless it’s unavoidable. They all have side-effects, and we weren’t meant to take them, anyway. Headaches get better on their own.

16. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?

Well, I haven’t done much of that. It’s generally mutual, and understood.

But no, not really. I just take a really long time to get started :)

17. FAVE PIZZA TOPPING?

I usually order plain cheese pizza. Why spend so much more on a few tiny bits of chicken??

Having said that, I’ve realised now that Domino’s has an excellent pie called Country Special. And Farmhouse. And Cheese Burst.

Pepperoni simply takes the cake, though. But it costs like 500 bucks for a large pepperoni pizza. Catch me ordering one before I get a job…

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Ahem.

As for food -

Frankfurters.
Mashed potato with peas, carrots, corn, and chicken.
Idlis with kaaram chutney.
Biriyani from Vellore only. Nowhere else knows how to cook it.
Calamari.
Goan food.
Grapes.
Pomegranetes.
Coke.
Jelly.
Strawberry ice cream from Movenpick, in Chennai.

Shit… and what do I have with me here? Diddly-squat.

Oh, my…

19. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?

My parents. :(

20. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?

Huh. So she says, but she loves someone else, too. And chose him.

 ———

 I tag the Village Person and Pianoman, to get them to write something.

And Vachu.

And Jana, to see whether he still comes here. Jana, I’ve lost your blog address again!

So

Do you think he banged her before marrying her?

This issue vexes me. I have no doubt western celebrities have a lot of sex, and I’m sure non-celebrities in India too have a lot of premarital sex, but Indian celebrities?

I know some of them do… Sushmita Sen admits to living in with men. The entire model community fucks its brains out on a regular basis, I’m positive. Ram Gopal Varma looks so slimy that I’m sure he sleeps with his “muses.” Bipasha Basu used to be a model, and Lara Dutta and Kelly Dorji are cosmopolitan enough for it. Pooja Bedi has such a large face that you just know…

But how can someone as big as Aishwarya Rai, or Shilpa Shetty, have casual sexual partners? Wouldn’t they go screaming and bragging to all their friends? Wouldn’t it be news??

Of course, according to entertainment news, and people “in the know,” such things do happen. But I’m extremely sceptical of such reports.

What do you think? Did Sally and Vicky have a go at old Ash beforehand?

Time

There’s simply no time, when one is busy.

I’ve been at home for a week now. One more week to go. And I haven’t had time to write anything!

It’s not like I haven’t thought of anything to put down. To the contrary, I keep looking up from my dukki (guidebook – these days, on administrative law) and jotting down possible topics on the sheet of rough paper that I use to squiggle on, to make sure that my pen is writing, and to blot excess ink on. Yes – if you use them long enough, ballpoint pens do leak! I also jot down bands and songs to put up on Zonuts - quite a backlog, I have!

The simple reason is that I’ve been sleeping early. Like 10, 11 pm - unimaginable, in Delhi. Living alone, that’s when the night begins! But my dad disapproves of my late-night habits. Do your studying during the day, says he, and sleep at night. For once, I’ve been listening to him. Guess what time I wake up? 6 am… 6!! Yeesh. It’s like school all over again.

School was a little worse, actually. Special class at 7 in the morning – are they mad?? No self-respecting hedonistic college student would agree to such nonsense.

Basketball keeps me happy. Vellore has a floodlit court, and people begin playing only after 7 pm. This means I don’t get any work done after 7, because I return home to dinner, and then it’s time for bed. But that’s ok. I’m perfectly happy to stop studying at 7.

So why do I have time today? Nobody has updated their blogs/comment spaces since I last checked, in the afternoon. (Oh, I’m on the net ten times a day. Just don’t have time to write!)

Anyway, here’s a heartwarming comic I found. On this site it’s entitled ‘Opus,’ but I know the strip better as Bloom County. We have a large omnibus, Bloom County Babylon. It’s rather old – the eighties, or whenever Communism was a problem in Russia. But I like it, having read it as a kid…

For some perspective, the creature is a penguin. With a weird nose.

De-stress, everyone!

Fifty

I’m off home tomorrow. Exams approach, at the end of April, and warrant a round trip of 4400 km, to study in the comfort of my brother’s room.

(We shifted houses after I left for college, so I no longer have my own room at home. Vix got an airconditioner in his new room – something I never had as a kid! Well, I got to drive, drink, and graduate before he did, so I guess we’re even.)

Yesterday’s Times of India carried a full-page advertisement by the Delhi Government’s  Department of Transport, issued in response to a recent Delhi High Court judgment taking suo moto cognisance of the traffic situation in Delhi.

Among other things, all fines for various traffic offences under the Motor Vehicles Act of 1988 have been substantially augmented by the imposition of a flat-rate “cost” factor of Rs. 500. For example, the fine under the MV Act for jumping a red light is Rs. 100. With effect from the 9th of April, the total cost to offender becomes Rs. 100 fine + Rs. 500 ‘costs’ = Rs. 600. And Rs. 100 is the lowest fine levied. The fines for speeding, talking on mobiles while driving, and other offences are already in the high 100’s/low 1000’s.

This extra 500 surcharge on each offence has definitely increased the deterrent value of fines – which is their whole purpose anyway. I try not to jump red lights, and never jump one if there’s one of those little countdown timers giving the time until green… But if I’m late for class, or it’s late at night, I regularly do. The knowledge that fines are this much higher now, though, is going to make me think thrice before I cut a light. I almost never have 600 bucks in cash on me!

I don’t know about cars, but if someone is so poor they have to ride a two-wheeler in Delhi, I’m pretty sure they won’t have 600 rupees on them either. So what happens when they’re caught? Hmm. Bribe it is. This new fine is going to empower cops to up their bribe demands.

The DoT has also clarified that the Delhi Traffic Police have the power to punch holes in driving licenses issued in other states. 5 punches, and ‘licence cancellation proceedings’ are set in motion. I’ve never actually seen anyone with a hole punched on their licence (a hole per offence), but it was a source of comfort to me that cops were, until now, slightly wary of my Tamil Nadu licence. Jurisdiction issues, you see. Not no more…

The two things I appreciated most in the public notice were that (a) bus drivers, and in fact all drivers of government vehicles, will now have to pay fines for traffic offences from their own pocket. I’m slightly wary of buses (they’re so big!) and reading statistics that they cause the most deaths on Delhi roads, and that within that statistic, the most deaths caused by buses are two-wheeler riders, does nothing to bolster their image. Hopefully they’ll drive slightly more carefully now, although if newspaper articles are to be believed all the bus owners are in cahoots with the traffic cops anyway, which is why buses drive the way they do.

But most of all, there was a small line that said, “pending notification of proper speed limits for different routes….” It is a matter of concern to me that the traffic police have of late been active in catching and fining people for speeding. I’m personally safe – motorcycle licence plates are too small for a cop with a radar gun to read as they whiz by. We’re never caught speeding. But cars… twice now I’ve been in a taxi that refused to go above 50 kmph, and with good reason – after I yelled at him so much that he went faster (long story – work deadlines), we were almost caught by a speed gun. The driver was quite upset – apparently he would’ve lost his job had we been caught. For a little perspective, I’m talking about a Toyota Corolla here, from a travel agency, not one of those green-and-yellow vans that pass for taxis.

And there’s my grouse – 50 kmph. The pre-yesterday speed limit on all roads in Delhi. Are ‘they’ mad? ‘They’ being whoever set that as the limit. 50 kmph is what, 35 miles an hour? Delhi has terrible roads in portions, but some roads are actually not bad. And many roads are WIDE. We’re talking 4 lanes in either carriageway here. In some places, even 6. These are no little colony roads in a hick town. These are more than 3 times as wide as the “National Highway” that connects Chennai and Bengalooru.

Eventually, I will have a car in Delhi. I will NOT drive it at 50 kmph. I will drive at a speed that I deem reasonable given the conditions around me. And trust me, many a time it’s perfectly safe to drive at 80 on Delhi roads. It would also be safe at, say, 90 or 100, but better to keep the limit low. And my point is – if there were a posted speed limit of 80 on the Ring Road, I would follow it. It’s reasonable. On the other hand, try driving down the Ring Road at 50 kmph and you’ll realise just how ridiculous that is. Nobody even bothers about the limit, because it’s absurdly low. And therefore, people act as if there is no speed limit at all.

Incidentally, have you seen government cavalcades drive? 50 kmph? HA!

Anyway, the advertisement claims that the government will soon come out with a comprehensive speed limit policy. I think they might club it with the complete overhaul of signage and road markings in the city that they’re planning ahead of the 2010 Commonwealth Games.

Until then, the limit for Light Motor Vehicles on 3-4 lane dual carriageways has been raised to 60 kmph. A definite improvement!

I also wanted to write about Greg Chappell’s sudden departure and the Allahabad High Court’s ruling regarding Muslims in UP, but I must pack instead. Home, home on the range…

Balding Men Make The Greatest Lovers

It’s true! They do. My mom has a fridge magnet testifying to that. My dad is bald.

I went for a haircut two days ago. There were two locals chilling on stools outside the New British Man’s Hair Saloon in Outram Lines. Their eyes followed me up the steps and through the door. As I was passing through I distinctly heard one of them say, “And what is he going in for?” I took a step back and looked at them but they immediately looked apologetic and I’m not the type to confront people, especially when I can’t speak their language and there are more than one of them.

Then I went in and sat down. My barber for the day waddles over, stomach falling out of his bright yellow shirt, looks me up and down with his experienced eye, and goes, “Yes? What do you want me to do?” Well, you had to be there to hear the tone of his voice. I ended up getting a trim only – no shave or head massage with the cheapest oil available, which is my usual routine. Saved a whole 35 bucks! (Of course the next day I blew up 700 fucking bucks at a bar. Crap…)

Hair loss was never a worry for me in school. I mean sure, my dad’s bald, but I pretty much follow the gene pool from my mom’s side – I have my maternal uncles’ nose, body structure, appetite, and alcohol cravings (but, sadly enough, not their height. So while they are hulking 6-footers with hook noses, viz. Arabs, I’m a regular John with a paunch and a hook nose.)

Anyway, I also have their hair. Straight in school, went wavy when I hit puberty, went fully curly inbetween, and then straightened out again.

Last year though, I began to notice that the frequency of people commenting on my hair (or lack of) was increasing. It was either, “Hey you have a bald patch at the back – you know that suli hair whorl thing?”, or “Hey I can see your scalp!” – this was most common from guys taller than me. I wasn’t worried though – what I saw in the mirror each morning was a full head of hair. Anyway I was only 20 years old then – who balds at 20??

Apparently people do bald in their twenties. I began to notice that the hairline at my temples was slowly receding. Next I began to notice that my forehead was discovering hitherto unknown frontiers. When I realised I could actually see my own scalp through my ever-thinning hair, worry set in. And it’s gone downhill from there.

These days I’ve made my peace with baldness somewhat. I have haircuts once in two months or so, instead of every month, and they’re merely trims that take ten minutes. I don’t shave my head – something I used to do with regularity. I’ve finally understood why Aby was always so loath to shave his head with me – ‘what if it doesn’t grow back’ is a very real concern for me too these days! Side partings, the mainstay of my school and College life, are no longer an option because of the lack of hair at the temples. My hair is no longer ever long enough to use conditioner – if anyone wants a bottle of Garnier Ultra Doux or Fructis, let me know.

Yes I know, conditioner – many guys use it ok! My mom blames my hair loss on my use of conditioner. She gave me this bottle of jasmine-flavoured coconut oil to stop the fall… I used it twice and then threw it out. Felt a little bad throwing it out, but still… I stopped using hair oil in school! And I believe my hair loss is genetic and therefore inexorable.

My one real regret though, is that I aborted my 2nd year attempt at growing long hair when it wasn’t even shoulder length. Now I shall never, ever know what it’s like to have long, sleek hair. (Hair extensions – no, I’m not that vain. I hope.) On the plus side, I can and have joined the Orkut community called ‘20-something and Balding Already!’

Grow it while you can, boys!

Oooh Buffy I Love Your Way…

 

Hahahaha!

Jack Black ROCKS!!!! :D

And Sarah Michelle is soooooo sexy…..